Now that we're heading into August month, the antisipation of going back to school starts coming forth for the very first time excitement of seeing my friends again, how they've all changed (perhaps), what will they think of me now?

I'm tired, tired from whats happening and tired of thinking about how things will be around my mom now the next year. At the same time blaming myself for not worrying properly, I sometimes think I couldn't care if mom felt honestly happy, as long as she'd be a place where people could take care of her and me and my brother could occasionally visit, I don't feel guilty about wanting some time off. But I feel guilt for not seeming to care as much about her happiness as my brother does.
I don't dislike my mom do I?

I keep telling myself I can't be mean to her - although I sometimes just feel like shouting at her to act like a grown-up and not expecting her kids (technically you wouldn't call my brother a kid anymore) to keep her company, so she won't feel lonely - but I know better. It's not her fault, it's the thing in her brain. And if I get angry at her, and she start to think I don't love her, she'll probably die just like dad. Because I can vaguely remember treating him with decency his remaining months, I was only 8 years old, but I blame myself, not giving him enough attention and showing him that I loved him, too.

Last; I don't know why I chose to write this.